Goodbye
by chiquislover25
Summary: A retelling of the episode "Goodbye"
**I recently saw this episode again and this idea came to mind. I do not own the characters or the song.**

"We're here," Finn announces as they pull into the train station.

"Are you joking? 'Cause it's not funny. We're gonna be late," Rachel tells him trying to laugh off the sinking feeling in her stomach.

"You're on the 4:25 to New York. Him and your dads are gonna meet you there, and they're gonna… they're gonna help you look at dorms at the new school," he continues explaining, even as he watches her face transform, "You're gonna spend four years of your life there, and you've never even set foot in the place, so…" his voice drifts off and he refuses to look at her face.

"But I… I have all year to go and look at it," she reminds him, ignoring the "him" comment.

"You're gonna go there in the fall. Alright? You're not deferring. We're not getting married," he tells her finally looking at her face and seeing as she tries to fight breaking down in front of him.

"You don't want to marry me?" she asks, her voice trembling as she fights the tears.

"I want to marry you so badly that I can't go through with it. Because deep down I know I'm not the one you need to be with," Finn admits to her.

"What are you talking about? I love you," she tells him.

"Tell me the truth… and not just something you think I want to hear. Are you 100% sure you love me? That I'm the one you see being by your side ten years from now?" he tells her.

He watches as she's left speechless and unable to answer his question.

"I talked to him at Nationals you know, after you left," he tells her and he sees her body completely tense up as she moves to sit and look straight forwards.

"About what?" she asks in a monotone voice, trying to not show emotion.

"You," he says softly.

 _Flashback to Nationals…_

 _Finn is standing some ways away, watching Jesse and Rachel talking to each other. He hates to the admit it but he sees the love that Jesse has on his face as he's talking to Rachel, the way he softly caresses her cheek and she leans into his touch. Her back is to him but he imagines that she's smiling and probably has the same love in her eyes._

 _When they had sex for the first time weeks ago, he knew he wasn't her first. When he asked her about bleeding she muttered something about dance, but he knew that wasn't it. When they had arrived back from New York the year before, she had come back different. He once heard Santana say that you could just tell when someone was no longer a virgin and he could tell with Rachel. She had asked him to give her the whole summer to herself and he agreed. When she returned she was a different Rachel, more of the old Rachel would show herself and she would quickly try to stop it to become the Rachel she's become for him._

 _His attention is brought back to Jesse and Rachel when he sees Jesse take her left hand, run his thumb over her ring and sigh. Seeing the sadness and resignation on Jesse's face is just as bad as seeing the love. Finn has the urge to go over there to stop these looks, to stop the guilt he's feeling because of these looks, but he's stopped as he sees Rachel lean up and kiss his cheek and whispers something into Jesse's ear that seems to brighten him up. He finally decides to step in and walks over to them._

" _Hey, everything okay?" Finn asks Rachel and he sees her put on, what she calls, her showface on and wipes away some tears that were threatening to fall._

" _Yeah, everything's good," she reassures him as she wraps an arm around him and gives him a smile. "I'm gonna go get ready. It was really good to see you and don't forget what I told you alright," she tells Jesse._

" _I won't," Jesse tells her as she gives him a soft smile and leaves the two boys alone._

" _Hi," Finn says as he faces his old rival. He notices that he has the same "showface" that Rachel had on._

" _Heard you two are getting married," Jesse says._

" _Yeah," Finn confirms as he seems to catch a flicker of hurt in the other boy's eyes before he disguises it._

" _Good for you," he says with a tightness in his throat. "Good luck today," Jesse adds as he holds his hand out._

" _Did you sleep with her?" Finn asks Jesse, not being able to hide the nagging feeling any longer and watches as he completely freezes._

" _What?" Jesse asks, lowering his hand._

" _Did you sleep with her? You know in New York and during the summer," Finn asks again._

" _Finn…" Jesse starts trying to avoid the subject._

" _I'm asking you as a man, Jesse. Right now I'm talking to you man to man and I want you to answer me," Finn says with more seriousness and conviction than the older boy had ever heard from him and he knows that he deserves the truth._

" _Yes," Jesse admits with a serious face and not breaking the eye contact that he has with the younger boy._

 _Finn feels his shoulders slump, finally having his suspicions confirmed. What he finds weird is that he's not angry, not really. If anything hearing Jesse confirm this makes him feel worse for making Rachel marry him._

" _Did you give her the first time that she deserved?" Finn asks without thinking._

" _What?" Jesse asks, even more confused by the way the younger man was acting._

" _That was always one of my fears about being her first. Not being able to give her the first time that she deserved," Finn admits kind of staring into space._

" _I once told her that she deserved epic romance," Jesse tells the younger boy, who looks at him, "I tried my best to give that to her, not just her first time but every time after that," Jesse tells Finn who simply nods. "Why are you asking me this Finn?"_

" _Because since she agreed to marry me, I've felt that I'm forcing her to make one of the biggest mistakes of her life!" he yells out, shocking everyone around them. "And I know deep down that you're the one she belongs with," he says with a lowered voice._

" _She agreed to marry you, Finn. She's chosen you. She loves you," Jesse says with sadness in his voice._

" _She loves you more," Finn says and Jesse stares at him. "I know everyone thinks I'm dumb, but I'm not. Don't you think I know she had sex with me the first time because she felt bad for me? That that's the reason why she agreed to marry me?" Finn says with sadness and desperation in his voice. "Now I feel like I'm going to hold her back from being where she's supposed to be and with who she's supposed to be."_

 _Jesse looks away from Finn and looks towards the building Rachel walked into._

" _I once promised her that I would help make all her dreams come true. I let her go because I loved her so much that, if being with you would make her happy, make her life easier, I would push down any pain I was feeling to make sure she was okay," Jesse tells him as he turns to leave again._

" _What did she whisper to you?" Finn asks, interrupting Jesse's exit._

" _To pay close attention to her solo, that…" Jesse starts._

" _It's for you," Finn finishes and he sees the older boy nod before leaving._

 _When it's their turn to perform Finn watches Rachel singing her solo and sees the emotions she's putting into her song and knows that she's making eye contact with Jesse, making sure that he understands that she means every word. Finn confirms at that moment that she can never be truly his, that making her stay with him was wrong._

 _After their performance and when the judges are making their decisions, Finn walks to the lobby where he sees Jesse talking to Madame Tibideaux. He hears him tell her that she wouldn't regret letting Rachel into NYADA, that she was the most talented person he knew, and Finn realizes that what the boy was doing was Jesse keeping his promise. NYADA was her dream and he was doing what he could to make sure it came true._

 _And he realized that he had to do the same too._

 _End of Flashback…_

"It was at that moment that I knew we couldn't get married," Finn admits as he watches the tears running down her face, having heard the whole story. "And when you got your acceptance letter and you decided to defer… the thought of you being stuck here for another year because of me… that made me sick. Knowing that all the sacrifices you made, that **he** made were going to be thrown away…" he just shakes his head.

Her sobs become louder at that last sentence.

"So I called him and told him to wait for you in New York," he tells her and she lets out a loud sob. "He said that loving you meant pushing down any pain so that you could be happy and I'm doing just that," he says trying to hold back his own tears. "You're going to get on that train, okay? And you're going to go to New York. And you're going to be a star, right alongside him. That's how much I love you," he tells her.

She leans over and hugs him, her sobs muffled against his shoulder. He holds her for what he knows will probably be the last time. Her sobs quiet down, she lets go of him and gives him one last kiss.

"Thank you," she tells him softly as he gives her a sad smile.

He caresses her cheek trying to memorize her face and wipes her tears away.

"I love you," he whispers one last time, knowing that she wouldn't say it back.

He gets out of his car and gets her luggage from the back. He walks over to her side and opens the door for her and takes her hand for the last time. They walk towards the platform.

" _ **Hey, hey. So many things to do and say. But I can't seem to find the way. But I want to know how. I know I'm meant for something else. But first I gotta find myself, but I don't know how**_ ," Rachel sings.

Finn smiles sadly, knowing that this might be the last time they sing together and knowing that this is her way to express what she's feeling and deal with what is going on. He starts vocalizing as she continues to sing.

" _ **Oh, why do I reach for the stars, when I don't have wings, to carry me that far**_?" she sings and he joins her as they make it to the platform where all their friends are waiting to say their goodbyes.

" _ **I gotta have roots, before branches. To know who I am, before I know who I want to be**_ ," they both sing, as Rachel starts hugging her friends, goodbye.

" _ **And faith to take chances. To live like I see a place in this world for me. Oh, oh, oh**_ ," she finishes saying goodbye to everyone, giving Finn one last hug and kiss on his cheek.

Finn watches as she climbs on the train and officially leaves his life. He sees her sitting on a window seat and the whole group waving goodbye to her. He sees her still singing.

" _ **Sometimes I don't want to feel and forget the pain is real. Put my head in the clouds. Oh, start to run and then I fall, thinking I can get it all without my feet on the ground,**_ " she sings as she watches all her friends waving goodbye as she sits down.

" _ **There's always a seed, before there's a rose. The more that it rains, the more I will grow**_ ," she sings as the train starts to move.

When he notices that the train is starting to move, he can't fight the urge to run with it for as long as he can, to prolong the amount of time that he's seeing her face by a few more seconds. And when he's no longer able to run, he sees a final smile from her and knows that he did the right thing.

" _ **Gotta have roots, before branches. To know who I am, before I know who I want to be. And faith to take chances. To live like I see a place in this world for me**_ ," she sings as she watches Finn run and wave goodbye one last time, knowing that she will forever be grateful to him for letting her go. And soon she's arriving at New York.

" _ **Oh, oh. Whatever comes, I know how to take it. Learn to be strong I won't have to fake it. Oh, you're understanding**_ ," she sings walking out of the station and knowing that she is now singing about the relationship she's about to form with Jesse.

" _ **Oh, oh, oh-oh. The wind can come and do its best, roaming north and south, east and west. But I'll still be standing. I'm standing if I have roots, before branches**_ ," she sings knowing that they will finally have the strong foundation for their relationship.

" _ **To know who I am, before I know who I'm gonna be. And faith to take chances. To live like I see a place in this world**_ ," she sings as she sees her dads and hugs them tightly.

" _ **Gotta have roots before branches. To know who I am before I know who I wanna be**_ ," she sings, letting her fathers know that she knows who she is again. One of her dads lets her know that **he's** waiting for her. She lets them go and starts walking towards where he was.

" _ **And faith to take chances. And live like I see, a place in this world…**_ " she sings finally seeing him waiting for her and slowing down. He gets up and makes his way towards her.

" _ **For me**_ ," she sings as he stands in front of her before she launches herself into his arms. " _ **I gotta have roots, before branches. Oh, yeah**_ ," she finishes softly as she lets go of him and gives him a soft kiss.

"Welcome home," he tells her softly.


End file.
